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September 17, 2021

The clock read 6:04 am. I laid on my left side with most of my body uncovered by blankets. It was September 17th, and our temporary rental home was hot. Maybe it wasn’t that hot in the house, but I was always hot at 39 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. My eyes squeezed tightly […]

On This Day

April 13, 2021

“Do you have a pastor we can call?” If I had not already come to terms with the fact that my daughter was gone, this should have been the question that confirmed the truth. Just thirty minutes earlier our life was normal, comfortable and predictable. Now the future was bleak and uncertain. It was Monday, […]

The Day That Changed Our Life

March 28, 2021

Sometime in the 1970’s we entered the Information Age. The increase in access to information continued in an upward trend as we moved into a world of computers and the internet. I find it ironic, that so many people are concerned about technology “tracking” them, when in the next moment, they will ask the phone […]

How Exactly? The Question of Curiosity

March 26, 2021

I have had a few concerned parents ask to know the details of Jane’s death out of what I believe is fear or anxiety. We live in a society where we so badly want control. We want to know that if we do the right things and/or avoid the wrong things we can ensure our […]

What If? The Question of Fear

March 25, 2021

“What happened?!” It’s the question that we still receive frequently. Either with good intentions or pure curiosity, people want to know how Jane died. Early on I felt like everyone knew the details of her death and I was surprised to find out how many close friends and family members had no idea what had […]

How Did She Die?

February 25, 2021

Once upon a time there was a castle in the woods. It was made out of candy. In the woods, it never rained. Since it never rained, the castle never melted. One day Jane, the princess, went out to the castle in the woods. When she got back she told them all about her adventures. […]

A Castle in the Woods

January 24, 2021

It happened six days ago. I got a notification for a memory from one year ago. It was this video. This is it. This is the last video I have of Jane. Several people have checked in to see how we are doing, especially today, the 24th. This has mostly been my response: “We’re ok. […]

The Little Things

December 20, 2020

Christmas doesn’t feel very merry this year. “I haven’t said Merry Christmas this year,” I admitted to Robert. He looked at me slightly confused, mostly because I blurted out the statement with no context. I went on to explain that as I was checking out at a store earlier in the evening, the woman behind […]

Christmas for the Weary

November 26, 2020

Five years ago I was cooking a thanksgiving meal in a different home with much different circumstances. Here is what I wrote on that day. “Today I am literally barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. While my husband and little girls watch the parade, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. Not just today, but everyday I […]

Am I Still Thankful?

November 16, 2020

I rounded the corner quickly, hurrying to get to Sunday school class on time. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed her, a friend, a surrogate mother and grandmother. Her back was facing me and she was about to go into the worship service. It occurred to me that though I had seen […]

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