My children are gatherers, especially when outside. For years I have been accepting offerings of broken sticks, pieces of acorns, squashed dandelions, fragile leaves and the occasional bug. Some gifts are beautiful in their own way, but most are broken, perishable and often a little sad. The offerings themselves are not what I love. The […]

Our family has a very personal Ebenezer. Ebenezer. It certainly isn’t a common word in contemporary language. Every time I try to type “Ebenezer” into my phone, predictive text wants to change the word to Ebook, which is further proof that it is uncommon terminology. Perhaps the word first brings to mind the famous book, […]

Grief is unpredictable and I’m often surprised by the things that tip me into a sea of sorrow. So many thoughtful friends and family often check to see “how are you doing today?” I appreciate the addition of a concrete time frame. It’s far more manageable to express how I’m doing today than in general […]

Suffering cuts through the pretense and gets to the heart of the matter. A few weeks ago, I drove to the cemetery alone. The headstone had not yet been installed and I had purchased flowers from the grocery store to lay at the graveside, just to mark the place. With groceries in my car, I […]

When an event in your life strips you bare, there is no good intention or false ideology to hide behind. Enneagram 1 here. I have a great desire to “do the right thing”. I want others to also “do the right thing.” This isn’t bad in and of itself, but my tendency to be critical […]

Time is an interesting thing. At exactly this moment eight weeks ago, I was cleaning up lunch and getting Jane ready to take a nap. Robert put her down and she called out from her room “Toodles, love you!” as she did anytime we put her down to sleep. This normal exchange seems both like […]

To finish one long and hard day, only to know that the next day will be more of the same is defeating. We are all probably moving a little slower these days. Most days I feel like I’m moving through molasses. I’ve also found that one of my struggles with sheltering in place and social […]

Jesus did not call me to live the American dream, Jesus called me to pick up my cross and follow him. Once upon a time I would boldly pray for “God’s will to be done.” I believe part of my courage in praying these words was because I naively and arrogantly believed that my will aligned […]

Easter without Jane is not without hope. It’s our first holiday since Jane passed away. We miss her terribly and the ache of her absence is profound. Of all the holidays we could have experienced first without Jane, I’m so thankful it was Easter. We celebrate Christmas big at our house. Thanksgiving bears many standing […]

It’s officially spring break in our city. Though who knows what day it is any more. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the pandemic or grief. It’s probably some of both. Our plan was to be at Disney World this week. We planned the trip last fall. Even after Jane’s passing I thought the trip might […]