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Joy of Every Longing Heart

It was Thanksgiving Day, and I was standing on the hard cold earth of my daughter’s grave. An entire year had not yet passed since her unexpected death; we were entering our first Christmas season without her. I didn’t feel very thankful, and I wasn’t looking forward to returning home to set up festive decorations. […]

On This Day

The clock read 6:04 am. I laid on my left side with most of my body uncovered by blankets. It was September 17th, and our temporary rental home was hot. Maybe it wasn’t that hot in the house, but I was always hot at 39 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. My eyes squeezed tightly […]

Jane Loved Church, An Open Letter to Church Preschool Volunteers

Dear Faithful Preschool Volunteer (or soon to be volunteer),You come every Sunday; sanitizing toys, updating phone numbers of parents, sing Jesus Loves Me, rock a crying baby, change diapers or help the potty training child. Your service can be thankless and far less glamorous than the Sunday School teacher who leads a class full of […]

I Want Less

“So what are you hoping has changed since this time last year? What differences do you want in your life?” They were thoughtful questions from my dearest friend who is truly gifted in asking questions and even better at genuinely listening to answers. I knew the answer but struggled to articulate it. “I don’t want […]

The Day That Changed Our Life

“Do you have a pastor we can call?” If I had not already come to terms with the fact that my daughter was gone, this should have been the question that confirmed the truth. Just thirty minutes earlier our life was normal, comfortable and predictable. Now the future was bleak and uncertain. It was Monday, […]

This is my story

About this time last year, I woke up one morning with an urgency to write down our story. Specifically, the events that transpired on February 24th, 2020. I wasn’t sure why it seemed so neccessary. Was it likely that I would forget the horrific and beautiful events of that day? Probably not. Would I write […]

How Exactly? The Question of Curiosity

Sometime in the 1970’s we entered the Information Age. The increase in access to information continued in an upward trend as we moved into a world of computers and the internet. I find it ironic, that so many people are concerned about technology “tracking” them, when in the next moment, they will ask the phone […]

What If? The Question of Fear

I have had a few concerned parents ask to know the details of Jane’s death out of what I believe is fear or anxiety. We live in a society where we so badly want control. We want to know that if we do the right things and/or avoid the wrong things we can ensure our […]

How Did She Die?

“What happened?!” It’s the question that we still receive frequently. Either with good intentions or pure curiosity, people want to know how Jane died. Early on I felt like everyone knew the details of her death and I was surprised to find out how many close friends and family members had no idea what had […]

An Answer Prepared

“Are these all your kids?” When out in public with my children, it’s a question I hear frequently. It’s a question that possibly has two different meanings. It usually means, “are you the mother of the children present?” The answer is yes. It sometimes means, “Do you have four children?” The answer is no and […]

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