A Presumptive New Year

Presumptive. It’s the word that is circulating around my mind today. I’ve spent time today thinking about what it means to close out 2020 and what has transpired in the last year. It’s almost too much to wrap my mind around. Thanks to Instagram and Facebook memories, I know exactly what I was doing and thinking this time last year. This is the photo and what I wrote:

“A lot has happened in this last decade. Robert and I started our family when we got married in 2010. We’ve moved several times, left jobs and started new ones. We’ve made sweet friends that are literally all over the world now. Our family has continued to grow with four beautiful children. This next decade will be the last one that all of our kids will live in the same house with us. A reminder that it goes by quickly. Mostly this last decade has confirmed the Lord’s faithfulness in our life. We look forward to the year and decade to come. It is sure to bring more of the Lord’s goodness and mercy. 2020 will be one to remember for sure. We look forward to all that God is doing in our family, including the addition of baby number 5. From our family to yours, Happy New Year! May you experience Jesus in a sweet way this year.”

It’s a bit like getting slapped across the face or taking a swift punch to the gut. A lot did happen in our first decade. We have moved and made some very dear friends and our family did continue to grow. I was looking forward to the year to come. I had no idea that in a few short weeks I would dread most waking moments.

I presumed too much.

I mentioned last year that the upcoming decade would be the last to have all of our kids in the same house with us. That was presumptive. It turns out I never got to have even a single day with all of my kids living in the same house. I presumed too much. 

Now before I get accused of being a pessimist and living in fear or dread, let me remind you what James had to say about presuming too much. Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15

Presume means to suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability. That’s what I was doing on New Year’s Eve 2019. In truth it’s what most of us do everyday. I didn’t know what 2020 would hold and I don’t know what will come in 2021. I don’t even know what may happen in the next ten minutes, but I do know that my statement of God’s goodness one year ago was true then and is true now. I do not presume God is good. I know He is good. I do not presume God is faithful or merciful, His faithfulness and mercy is a fact. This year more than ever before I have tasted and seen the goodness of God. I have experienced Jesus in a sweet way this year.

I do not presume God is good. I know He is good. I do not presume God is faithful or merciful, His faithfulness and mercy is a fact.

Tonight, I don’t want to pop champagne or choose a metaphorical word for the coming year. I’m not getting dressed up or gladly seeing 2020 out the door. My heart actually hurts to lose this last year that I held all of my babies. I’m not toasting the new year or presuming too much. Lord willing, I hope to sit humbly with my family and worship God, who was and is and is to come.