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April 13, 2021

“Do you have a pastor we can call?” If I had not already come to terms with the fact that my daughter was gone, this should have been the question that confirmed the truth. Just thirty minutes earlier our life was normal, comfortable and predictable. Now the future was bleak and uncertain. It was Monday, […]

The Day That Changed Our Life

March 19, 2021

“Are these all your kids?” When out in public with my children, it’s a question I hear frequently. It’s a question that possibly has two different meanings. It usually means, “are you the mother of the children present?” The answer is yes. It sometimes means, “Do you have four children?” The answer is no and […]

An Answer Prepared

February 4, 2021

To be made weak, is to touch, see and know the power of God Almighty. When I woke this morning I noticed an orange and pink hue illuminating our front room. Our home faces north east and though trees block a full view of the sunrise in the morning, we get just enough of a […]

To Be Made Weak

January 24, 2021

It happened six days ago. I got a notification for a memory from one year ago. It was this video. This is it. This is the last video I have of Jane. Several people have checked in to see how we are doing, especially today, the 24th. This has mostly been my response: “We’re ok. […]

The Little Things

December 31, 2020

Presumptive. It’s the word that is circulating around my mind today. I’ve spent time today thinking about what it means to close out 2020 and what has transpired in the last year. It’s almost too much to wrap my mind around. Thanks to Instagram and Facebook memories, I know exactly what I was doing and […]

A Presumptive New Year

November 16, 2020

I rounded the corner quickly, hurrying to get to Sunday school class on time. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed her, a friend, a surrogate mother and grandmother. Her back was facing me and she was about to go into the worship service. It occurred to me that though I had seen […]

Help To Carry

October 19, 2020

Ever feel completely perplexed by seemingly small situations? No? Just me? Three days ago, I sat in a room I frequented often last fall. It was once, “The Imagination Station” (or something like that) at our local library. It was full of play kitchens, puppet show booths and toys. My children loved it. After, many […]

Finding the Way in a Storm

June 18, 2020

Two years ago, on my 30th birthday, I told Robert that I wanted to write a book before I turned 40. He smiled, skeptical and encouragingly, and asked what kind of book I planned to write. I didn’t have a solid answer. I thought a cookbook would be fun, maybe even a Bible study or […]

The Story I Didn’t Want

June 12, 2020

I have been convicted of many things since the loss of my daughter. My priorities, namely, became a glaring problem. My own comfort, happiness and selfishness are too high on the list of importance. I have been silent on many things in my life because it was uncomfortable, because I didn’t want to hurt feelings […]

Silence is Loud

June 9, 2020

It’s been a hard few days. Grief ebbs and flows, life itself shifts and moves in unpredictable ways. Sometimes I can pinpoint exactly what has made a day difficult and why we have experienced more grief. Like yesterday when Robert text me and said, “I just saw a patient that I hadn’t seen since February […]

I’m not better, but I have hope.

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