When It Feels Like Too Much

“I’m exhausted.” It’s a phrase that has been uttered numerous times in the last three weeks. Being overwhelmed and feeling like “it’s all just too much” has unfortunately become a familiar feeling. I sat with my three biggest children this morning, tears still fresh on my cheeks, apologizing for losing my temper. I explained that I knew we had all had a long and difficult year, and I was sorry. We are all exhausted.

Grief, paired with physical exhaustion is more difficult than I could have imagined.

Lucy is three weeks old today. She is precious and makes the cutest, serious facial expressions. She also does not like to sleep much or spend any time out of someone’s arms. It’s sweet, but incredibly impractical. I have had the privilege of having five newborns in my home. I am well acquainted with the tiredness that comes with an infant, but I underestimated how much exhaustion we were carrying into this newborn season. We are all beat down and our reserve is limited. Grief, paired with physical exhaustion is more difficult than I could have imagined.

I realize that our circumstances our unique to us, but I also know that in a year of a pandemic, we have all experienced weariness, frustrations and sheer exhaustion. Maybe you have felt like “it’s all just too much” too. I find myself regularly feeling overwhelmed and that I just don’t know what to do. How do I best take care of three children whose hearts have been broken and the framework of normalcy has been utterly ripped from underneath their feet? How do I care for a newborn in a home where fatigue is constant and uncertainty is loyal? How do we grieve the loss of our daughter and still get out of bed every morning? What is God’s will in all of this?!

It’s all just too much. But God is greater and he is our ever present help in times of trouble. [1] I’m struggling to make sense of most things these days and I feel constantly in a fog, but God’s Word is clear and I have to consciously cling to it in the midst of exhaustion. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Exhaustion does not have to master me and what feels like too much for me is nothing for the One whose burden is light.

So how do I continue on in exhaustion and fatigue? With thanksgiving and rejoicing. I am to pray continually and rely on the maker of heaven and earth. This is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. Some of my circumstances will never change. I will always be without Jane now. Some of my circumstances might change. Here’s to hoping Lucy starts to sleep better in the future. But regardless, I can be certain of how I should respond. Often times, I think we feel that the Bible doesn’t speak to our specific life circumstances. We want a detailed, step by step plan for how we are to navigate life. But the truth is that the Bible does speak to our life. No matter the situation, no matter the struggle, no matter how overwhelming life might seem, I can trust to find hope and wisdom in the word of God. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can do all these things to the glory of God. Exhaustion does not have to master me and what feels like too much for me is nothing for the One whose burden is light.

[1] Psalm 46:1